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Forget London! Could Tamworth Be The UK Capital?

Forget London! Could Tamworth Be The UK Capital?

What if London wasnΓÇÖt the UK capital? And what if we took Birmingham and Manchester out of the running, too? ThatΓÇÖs what comedy writer, Ian Martin of ΓÇÿThe Thick Of ItΓÇÖ, has been asking. And his answer is… Tamworth!

Presenting a very detailed and ΓÇô dare we say it ΓÇô occasionally logical argument to the Guardian in February, Mr Martin called for big ideas to combat tough times and pointed out the following reasons why Tamworth should replace London as the next capital of the United Kingdom:

1. ΓÇ£LetΓÇÖs move the capital city somewhere cheaper.ΓÇ¥

Abandon the inflated prices of London and start shopping in Staffordshire, instead. And donΓÇÖt delay; if IanΓÇÖs vision becomes a reality, it wonΓÇÖt be cheap for long!

2. ΓÇ£Tamworth was EnglandΓÇÖs original capital.ΓÇ¥

HeΓÇÖs got a point, there. The town sign still reads ΓÇÿThe ancient capital of Mercia.ΓÇÖ (This is not an indication of when the town sign was last updated.)

3. ΓÇ£Instant economic recovery.ΓÇ¥

WeΓÇÖre relying quite heavily on IanΓÇÖs supposed ΓÇÿpaperworkΓÇÖ here but weΓÇÖre going to assume thereΓÇÖs basis to that argument (see the ΓÇÿblind optimismΓÇÖ in point 10).

4. ΓÇ£Bang in the middle of legendary middle England.ΓÇ¥

All that talk of the ΓÇÿself-righteous southΓÇÖ would end, and we canΓÇÖt think of that many derisory puns relating to ΓÇÿthe middle of the countryΓÇÖ. ΓÇÿThe misguided middleΓÇÖ? ΓÇÿThe geographical centre-point of stupidityΓÇÖ? It just doesnΓÇÖt have the same ring to it.

5. ΓÇ£Seven kingdoms, seven lots of elected royals.ΓÇ¥

Treading delicately on royal coup territory here, Ian suggests a return to seven-kingdomed Britain; complete with the unparalleled added bonus of inter-kingdom paintball tournaments.

6. ΓÇ£ItΓÇÖll be like a cross between medieval Florence and Soho in the 60s.ΓÇ¥

Well, thatΓÇÖs a picture. And who wouldnΓÇÖt want to live there? Ian ponders the emergence of a new culture of rural-Midlands-influenced music (ΓÇ£tambeatΓÇ¥ or ΓÇ£dubworthΓÇ¥) on the world arts scene.

7. ΓÇ£HereΓÇÖs a chance… to appoint a lesbian Archbishop of Tamworth.ΓÇ¥

As Ian drifts ever further from reality, he considers how (somehow) a new capital city in Staffordshire would encourage the coming-together of atheists and believers to create a new world order.

8. ΓÇ£No more north-south divide.ΓÇ¥

Another way to cool the northern disdain of the south, and vice versa. How can northerners or southerners curse their geographical opposites when the people running the country are neither north nor south?

9. ΓÇ£Climate shift. Come on up, thereΓÇÖs rain and everything.ΓÇ¥

No more ΓÇÿhot town, summer in the city.ΓÇÖ Out in rural England, thereΓÇÖs a lot more fresh air, rain and mud. It gives the ΓÇÿtoo hot in the summer, too cold in the winterΓÇÖ whingers in London something different to moan about.

10. ΓÇ£For a laugh. I vote for a return to blind optimism.ΓÇ¥

Our favourite point of all, and undisputedly right.

Admittedly, the chances of transforming ΓÇÿNew TamworthΓÇÖ into the UK capital city are slim. But regardless of the outcome, weΓÇÖre behind Ian 110% ΓÇô for the economy, for the monarchy, for this blessed plot of earth!

* Please note that the fact that is based in Tamworth has had no effect whatsoever on the bias of this article.

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Author: | March 7, 2012 | 1 Comment

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