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A standard Friday morning in the office…

A standard Friday morning in the office…

Paul Austin, the head of global affiliates for, made an unusual discovery during the start of a normal Friday’s business.

It was obvious, it was always there, but it was something he never quite managed to put his finger on. After analysing the situation, a number of the staff were diagnosed with suffering “thekettlesjustboileditus”.

Once afflicted the staff member is henceforth labelled as a “kettle vulture”.

Symptoms usually begin with an uncanny sense of knowing when an empty kettle has been filled. As the condition progresses the sufferer goes on to develop the annoying ability of hearing the kettle reaching boiling point, and are compelled to leave their desk when the kettle finally “clicks”.

Seriously afflicted individuals will slither into position to claim the kettle for themselves and eventually become delusional, making statements like “there’s loads of water left for you”.

The worst instance is when the kettle is obviously empty and afflicted individuals make the statement of all statements: “There’s enough in there for three cups”.

Stuart Venables commented: “One certain individual has it so bad that she was even seen filling the kettle this morning to try and hide her symptoms. This was followed by an attempt to make up a story about me making comments about her lack of ‘kettle etiquette’!”

Perhaps this was just an attempt to inform the team that she had finally filled the kettle? Another staff member who is also trapped in the denial stage, Jason Jones, has also recently been branded as a ‘kettle vulture’.

If you have a similar situation in your office, or if you have any suggestions as to how this unfortunate affliction can be treated, please let us know by commenting in the box below!

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Author: | January 29, 2010 | 0 Comments

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