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WHEN The Apprentice's Simon Smith got the chop from the BBC's show and watched back footage of himself trying to manage a task for Sir Alan, even he admitted he should have been fired for some hideously embarrassing "Brenty" moments.

So what other The Office-style pitfalls should any apprentices trying to climb the career ladder avoid? Online office brokerage business, officebroker.com has spoken to businesses across the UK to compile a top 10 list of the latest cringe-worthy office terminology - all of which should be avoided if you want to steer clear of looking like David Brent or being fired yourself.

They are:

  1. Calling a colleague a '404' (as in the web error message 404: Not Found) for being completely useless.
  2. Saying you will 'knife and fork' a task - manage it bit by bit.
  3. Claiming at an interview that you are 'ready to plug and play'- in other words you are fully trained and can start the job immediately.
  4. Offering to 'bookmark' someone you meet at a conference - taking note of someone and their contact details.
  5. Inviting colleagues to a 'thought showering' session - the supposedly now PC term for brainstorming.
  6. Referring to your PC as the’ square headed spouse'.
  7. Declaring that there is an 'elephant in the room' or indeed a' 100lb gorilla' - a big problem that everyone is ignoring.
  8. Describing yourself as being 'behind the curve' - claiming you have a grip on modern technology and life.
  9. Talking about 'swallowing the frog’ when tackling a particularly horrible task
  10. Talk about spending the afternoon 'in the field' - everyone will know you are skiving!

Jim Venables, managing director of officebroker.com said: "We say there's nothing like good, honest straight talking to see you on your way to success in business.”

But he added: "My business partner Andy and I find we 'sing from the same hymn sheet' when it comes to straightforward honest business talk.

"We use lots of 'blue sky thinking' to come up with creative ideas. Sometimes it feels like we're having a 'salmon day' and swimming against the tide, but we 'touch base' regularly to keep on top of things and Andy and I are both such little 'ideas hamsters' that we always 'get the ball rolling' again quickly!"

Publication:
Wigan Evening Post
Circulation: 9,355
Published: 24/04/2008
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